Our Crosses To Bare

We All Have A Story…

This post has been rolling around in my head ever since I shared a video on my Facebook Blog Page about a mother who decided to share pictures of her stillborn baby.

A series of events happened over the course of the week or two after I saw this video that even further drove my thoughts on the topic of not only stillbirth but of this notion of nature not always “getting it right”. The events included a few friends suffering early miscarriages (which I am no stranger to) and then having the privilege of having two very intimate conversations with mother’s in my circle who have lost babies after 20 weeks gestation. Listening to their stories felt like I was given sacred privileged information and I was now a gate keeper of a tiny sliver of their hearts.

At 32, my Facebook newsfeed and Instagram is heavily populated by pregnancy and birth announcements. Which I truly do enjoy; but being the pessimistic, nervous Nelly that I am- I can’t help but think sometimes how is it that EVERY pregnancy announcement always is followed by a healthy mom and baby? Its not that I want things to go wrong for anyone, but the statistics do not add up in my scientific brain. The tragic inevitable truth is that nature is not without it’s flaws and does not always get it right. A pregnancy does not always equal a smiling mom and baby…or a baby at all… yet we seldom hear or see these stories.

(more…)

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Ask IM: When Breastfeeding Gets tough Beyond the Newborn Stage

Ask Instinctual Mothering

I am humbled and honored every time a mom, mom to be, or even the occasional father contacts me for advice or information. It never occurred to me that people would actually value my opinion enough to seek out my perspective, it is a shock every time! But it is truly an honor and a privilege to be able to share my perspective and experience with you all.

I thought it may be helpful to publish the questions I receive on the blog in a series titled “Ask Instinctual Mothering”. Remember, the answers are only my perspective based off of my own experiences and what I have read or researched. I will never claim to know all there is to know about pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/parenting because I am still learning myself (and have no true accreditation besides a breastfeeding counselor certificate)! However; helping, encouraging, empowering, and sharing information with others is why I’m here typing. It is a true passion and gives me great fulfillment and I hope I can be of service.

I promise to only share real questions from real people and always with their permission (and never their name). If you find yourself pondering something yourself, please feel free to contact me with ANYTHING – even critical feedback! You can contact me through facebook, E-mail at Tmschult@gmail.com, or through the contact form at the bottom of this page.

Okay, enough blabbing. Here is the second “Ask Instinctual Mothering” installment! This was a message I received via Facebook.

When Breastfeeding Gets Tough Beyond the Newborn Phase

Hi Tara!! I hope you are doing great and feeling well!

I’m having a tough time and looking for some help. I’m feeling like I could throw in the towel on nursing my 9 month old. It’s become painful. She just wants to suck all evening and night. My nipples are tender and the one nipple has a milk blister which is painful. I feel like I feel her teeth when she sucks. And she pulls my breast away from her when she is nursing so it pulls my boob. I’m frustrated and yet I don’t want to stop. Any advice? 😢 Does it get better?  Did you ever want to give up? I don’t want to for her sake. I guess I feel defeated right now.

-Frustrated & Defeated

(more…)

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Let’s Talk About Sibling Spacing

Let’s Talk about Natural Sibling Spacing

 

There is one benefit to breastfeeding that I feel doesn’t get enough street cred. It is natural sibling spacing. It’s a topic I rarely hear discussed when talking about breastfeeding benefits. Maybe this is because there is so much misinformation circulating out there about breastfeeding and fertility. I’m sure you have heard one of the following statements at least once if you are a nursing mother: “It’s impossible to get pregnant while breastfeeding”, or in stark contrast “I have a friend who got pregnant 3 months after her baby was born and she was breastfeeding, be careful!”

In a society where the pressure is never off- not even with something as sacred and personal as creating life- we all are asked about our child-bearing plans. If you are married, before you even get back from the Honeymoon, people are asking when the babies are coming. If you have one baby, you’re asked when the second is coming before your stretch marks have even faded. And God Forbid you have two of the same gender- wouldn’t you feel you missed out if you didn’t have a girl/boy?

I am guilty of these questions myself, and I actually am never offended by them when they are asked to me personally (which believe me, I get my fair share). But I am a tragically transparent person, and I realize not everyone is as much of an over-sharer as I am. I know these questions may feel intrusive to some, but I do not feel they are ever meant to cause harm. I think people in general are just curious. Maybe trying to relate, find something in common, talk about something they’re interested in, etc. Or just plainly happy for you and excited for your next life step. But it’s inevitable that they affect our way of thinking. They may have some of us start questioning where we should be in life, second guessing ourselves and our decisions or make us not feel “normal”. But when it comes to sibling spacing, I’ve realized there is a huge information gap of what is biologically normal to what is considered “normal” today. Which of course, I’m not shocked, the way we raise infants in the industrialized society is far from biologically normal. The biggest being of course; my favorite topic: breastfeeding. (more…)

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Stop Judging Me for Being Judgemental

The title is meant to be a joke and not to be taken seriously. I hope you can appreciate the irony. BUT I am angry.

First, a quick recap of what has been going on in the world of Breastfeeding advocacy.

The NY Times published an opinion piece on breastfeeding in October which to sum up basically implied breastfeeding benefits are “modest at best” and breastfeeding advocates need to stop all the “moral fervor” by pressuring women into breastfeeding, because really it’s not that big of a deal anyway and only shaming formula feeding mothers. (Excuse me while I roll my eyes).

Well, let’s just say, this piece did not sit well within the breastfeeding advocacy community. There were dozens of response pieces, my favorite being this one, which really tears this piece apart.

I’m not going to delve into why the NY Times piece was absolutely ridiculous and factually false because many authors have already accomplished this, and if you are interested in seeing some of the responses, I posted many of them on the blog’s Facebook page here.

What I do want to talk about however, is the other topic this media frenzy re-energized. The “Mommy wars” trend (which was actually termed by a formula company advertisement- can we say unethical marketing?). Specifically, the idea that breastfeeding advocates are shaming formula feeding mothers, and that as women we should all “support” each other and not criticize and judge each other’s parenting choices. The hashtag “Fed is Best” started to circulate social media by mothers in agreeance with the NY times piece. Umm, wait a second… Isn’t Fed the absolute minimum….? Wouldn’t our children die if they weren’t fed…..? How is this “best”? Way to aim low America. I understand what the hashtag is trying to imply and even agree, but in my opinion- they missed the mark. (more…)

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Ask IM: When Breastfeeding Gets tough Beyond the Newborn Stage

Ask IM: When Breastfeeding Gets tough Beyond the Newborn Stage

Ask Instinctual Mothering

I am humbled and honored every time a mom, mom to be, or even the occasional father contacts me for advice or information. It never occurred to me that people would actually value my opinion enough to seek out my perspective, it is a shock every time! But it is truly an honor and a privilege to be able to share my perspective and experience with you all.

I thought it may be helpful to publish the questions I receive on the blog in a series titled “Ask Instinctual Mothering”. Remember, the answers are only my perspective based off of my own experiences and what I have read or researched. I will never claim to know all there is to know about pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/parenting because I am still learning myself (and have no true accreditation besides a breastfeeding counselor certificate)! However; helping, encouraging, empowering, and sharing information with others is why I’m here typing. It is a true passion and gives me great fulfillment and I hope I can be of service.

I promise to only share real questions from real people and always with their permission (and never their name). If you find yourself pondering something yourself, please feel free to contact me with ANYTHING – even critical feedback! You can contact me through facebook, E-mail at Tmschult@gmail.com, or through the contact form at the bottom of this page.

Okay, enough blabbing. Here is the second “Ask Instinctual Mothering” installment! This was a message I received via Facebook.

When Breastfeeding Gets Tough Beyond the Newborn Phase

Hi Tara!! I hope you are doing great and feeling well!

I’m having a tough time and looking for some help. I’m feeling like I could throw in the towel on nursing my 9 month old. It’s become painful. She just wants to suck all evening and night. My nipples are tender and the one nipple has a milk blister which is painful. I feel like I feel her teeth when she sucks. And she pulls my breast away from her when she is nursing so it pulls my boob. I’m frustrated and yet I don’t want to stop. Any advice? 😢 Does it get better?  Did you ever want to give up? I don’t want to for her sake. I guess I feel defeated right now.

-Frustrated & Defeated

(more…)

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Let’s Talk About Sibling Spacing

Let’s Talk About Sibling Spacing

Let’s Talk about Natural Sibling Spacing

 

There is one benefit to breastfeeding that I feel doesn’t get enough street cred. It is natural sibling spacing. It’s a topic I rarely hear discussed when talking about breastfeeding benefits. Maybe this is because there is so much misinformation circulating out there about breastfeeding and fertility. I’m sure you have heard one of the following statements at least once if you are a nursing mother: “It’s impossible to get pregnant while breastfeeding”, or in stark contrast “I have a friend who got pregnant 3 months after her baby was born and she was breastfeeding, be careful!”

In a society where the pressure is never off- not even with something as sacred and personal as creating life- we all are asked about our child-bearing plans. If you are married, before you even get back from the Honeymoon, people are asking when the babies are coming. If you have one baby, you’re asked when the second is coming before your stretch marks have even faded. And God Forbid you have two of the same gender- wouldn’t you feel you missed out if you didn’t have a girl/boy?

I am guilty of these questions myself, and I actually am never offended by them when they are asked to me personally (which believe me, I get my fair share). But I am a tragically transparent person, and I realize not everyone is as much of an over-sharer as I am. I know these questions may feel intrusive to some, but I do not feel they are ever meant to cause harm. I think people in general are just curious. Maybe trying to relate, find something in common, talk about something they’re interested in, etc. Or just plainly happy for you and excited for your next life step. But it’s inevitable that they affect our way of thinking. They may have some of us start questioning where we should be in life, second guessing ourselves and our decisions or make us not feel “normal”. But when it comes to sibling spacing, I’ve realized there is a huge information gap of what is biologically normal to what is considered “normal” today. Which of course, I’m not shocked, the way we raise infants in the industrialized society is far from biologically normal. The biggest being of course; my favorite topic: breastfeeding. (more…)

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Stop Judging Me for Being Judgemental

Stop Judging Me for Being Judgemental

The title is meant to be a joke and not to be taken seriously. I hope you can appreciate the irony. BUT I am angry.

First, a quick recap of what has been going on in the world of Breastfeeding advocacy.

The NY Times published an opinion piece on breastfeeding in October which to sum up basically implied breastfeeding benefits are “modest at best” and breastfeeding advocates need to stop all the “moral fervor” by pressuring women into breastfeeding, because really it’s not that big of a deal anyway and only shaming formula feeding mothers. (Excuse me while I roll my eyes).

Well, let’s just say, this piece did not sit well within the breastfeeding advocacy community. There were dozens of response pieces, my favorite being this one, which really tears this piece apart.

I’m not going to delve into why the NY Times piece was absolutely ridiculous and factually false because many authors have already accomplished this, and if you are interested in seeing some of the responses, I posted many of them on the blog’s Facebook page here.

What I do want to talk about however, is the other topic this media frenzy re-energized. The “Mommy wars” trend (which was actually termed by a formula company advertisement- can we say unethical marketing?). Specifically, the idea that breastfeeding advocates are shaming formula feeding mothers, and that as women we should all “support” each other and not criticize and judge each other’s parenting choices. The hashtag “Fed is Best” started to circulate social media by mothers in agreeance with the NY times piece. Umm, wait a second… Isn’t Fed the absolute minimum….? Wouldn’t our children die if they weren’t fed…..? How is this “best”? Way to aim low America. I understand what the hashtag is trying to imply and even agree, but in my opinion- they missed the mark. (more…)

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail