If you noticed, I used the word THRIVE as a Stay At Home Mom rather than “survive” like you so often see. Why you ask? Because I feel I am doing way more than just “surviving”! For someone who was extremely nervous about being home full time and was confident that it wouldn’t be “for me” or that I wouldn’t be happy doing it, I can honestly, genuinely say it has been one of the best decisions I have made for myself and for my family. At this rate, I might never return to the workforce. Retired at 30…hmm has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? (Totally kidding… I think). But, in all seriousness, it has been a blessing and I feel very happy, fulfilled and LUCKY to be able to have the opportunity.
So, what does my life look like now? I get a lot of questions like this. What do I do all day? What does a normal day consist of? I thought I would put together a list of some things I have done in the last few months that I attribute to why I’m enjoying being home so much. These tips are an accumulation of advice I have received from other SAHM’s, some trial and error on my part, and some things I have read on other blog posts that have stuck with me – so hopefully I can pay it forward a little.
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I want to remind my readers that my intention is not to make any other mother feel any type of guilt or shame, but only to share my own personal experience and perception openly and honestly. I’m sure many mothers can and do balance working full-time and home life easily; however, I am a neurotic, anxious, control freak and didn’t handle it well. Now on to the good stuff….
I have been home for a month now, and it has been one of the most enlightening and joyous times in my life and yet somehow slightly heartbreaking at the same time.
My first Sunday night as an official stay at home mom was spent at the grocery store. Two, leisurely, therapeutic hours where I did not feel rushed or stressed and was not chasing a toddler all over Giant. I unhastily planned our meals for the week and even had the mental clarity to organize and use coupons! A HUGE win. I felt a monumental shift occur that night. See, when I was working I never wanted to do things alone on the weekends, not even grocery shop. I probably actually needed the alone time but couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it because it felt so selfish. I didn’t see my daughter all week, I wouldn’t leave her if I didn’t have to. So where I went, she went, and this included the grocery store. Also, not to mention, when you are an exclusively breastfeeding mother like I was/am, there is a true tethering to your baby. It is hard to leave a nursing baby when you are the sole food and comfort source to them. The bulk of childcare naturally falls on your shoulders (which I was dedicated to). This also kind of led to my husband taking over the cooking role in our family life. He cooked dinner while I spent the evenings with our daughter, which meant I really had not been in the kitchen much at all. So spending this time in the grocery store and taking pride and ownership in planning and shopping for the meals I would prepare for my family was significant. I felt the tension ease in my muscles and joints, and the metaphorical weight lift off of my shoulders. There was no reason to rush. I could spend as much time as I wanted to, because I had nowhere else to be the next day but at home with my little one.
(more…)
Today was a bad day.
Today I cried. Today I cried hard. I cried as I watched my daughter reach out for me in hysterics because she knew I was leaving her. I cried more as I stood outside the door of my neighbor listening to her say “mamama”, pleading for me to come back. Leaving her everyday feels all wrong. It always has. After almost a year, I can still feel the grief way down in the depths of my soul….
They say the gift and the curse of being a human being is that we can adapt to anything, and that’s what I’ve done when it comes to working full-time. I pushed the gnawing voices of going against my mother’s intuition to the back of my mind until they were nothing more than a whisper. I adopted a “out of sight, out of mind” mentality because I felt I had no choice – it was/is about survival and making it through the days. But by the end of my work week, I feel the distance. It’s almost as if our energies once intertwined become separated with absence and I spend my weekends weaving us back together again.
I do feel that the mother-child bond is strong and can withstand almost anything (within reason) and I never doubt that we will re-find each other and become reconnected again. We always do. But it is only a brief period of time until I have to repeat the cycle and the wear on my soul does not go unnoticed. And I still do have the occasional really hard day at the office- particularly the days after a weekend filled with activities that either kept me away from her or kept my focus off of her. I still cry with guilt or grief, not often… but it happens.
(more…)
Ask IM: Preconception and Planning to Stay at Home
Homeward Bound
I want to remind my readers that my intention is not to make any other mother feel any type of guilt or shame, but only to share my own personal experience and perception openly and honestly. I’m sure many mothers can and do balance working full-time and home life easily; however, I am a neurotic, anxious, control freak and didn’t handle it well. Now on to the good stuff….
I have been home for a month now, and it has been one of the most enlightening and joyous times in my life and yet somehow slightly heartbreaking at the same time.
My first Sunday night as an official stay at home mom was spent at the grocery store. Two, leisurely, therapeutic hours where I did not feel rushed or stressed and was not chasing a toddler all over Giant. I unhastily planned our meals for the week and even had the mental clarity to organize and use coupons! A HUGE win. I felt a monumental shift occur that night. See, when I was working I never wanted to do things alone on the weekends, not even grocery shop. I probably actually needed the alone time but couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it because it felt so selfish. I didn’t see my daughter all week, I wouldn’t leave her if I didn’t have to. So where I went, she went, and this included the grocery store. Also, not to mention, when you are an exclusively breastfeeding mother like I was/am, there is a true tethering to your baby. It is hard to leave a nursing baby when you are the sole food and comfort source to them. The bulk of childcare naturally falls on your shoulders (which I was dedicated to). This also kind of led to my husband taking over the cooking role in our family life. He cooked dinner while I spent the evenings with our daughter, which meant I really had not been in the kitchen much at all. So spending this time in the grocery store and taking pride and ownership in planning and shopping for the meals I would prepare for my family was significant. I felt the tension ease in my muscles and joints, and the metaphorical weight lift off of my shoulders. There was no reason to rush. I could spend as much time as I wanted to, because I had nowhere else to be the next day but at home with my little one.
(more…)
A Decision to Become a Stay At Home Mom
Today was a bad day.
Today I cried. Today I cried hard. I cried as I watched my daughter reach out for me in hysterics because she knew I was leaving her. I cried more as I stood outside the door of my neighbor listening to her say “mamama”, pleading for me to come back. Leaving her everyday feels all wrong. It always has. After almost a year, I can still feel the grief way down in the depths of my soul….
They say the gift and the curse of being a human being is that we can adapt to anything, and that’s what I’ve done when it comes to working full-time. I pushed the gnawing voices of going against my mother’s intuition to the back of my mind until they were nothing more than a whisper. I adopted a “out of sight, out of mind” mentality because I felt I had no choice – it was/is about survival and making it through the days. But by the end of my work week, I feel the distance. It’s almost as if our energies once intertwined become separated with absence and I spend my weekends weaving us back together again.
I do feel that the mother-child bond is strong and can withstand almost anything (within reason) and I never doubt that we will re-find each other and become reconnected again. We always do. But it is only a brief period of time until I have to repeat the cycle and the wear on my soul does not go unnoticed. And I still do have the occasional really hard day at the office- particularly the days after a weekend filled with activities that either kept me away from her or kept my focus off of her. I still cry with guilt or grief, not often… but it happens.
(more…)
