Great Expectations

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It’s 11:00am. We have been up for four hours. The crockpot meal that should have started cooking two hours ago has half of the ingredients in it and the rest scattered across the counter. There are toys everywhere. Laundry in the dryer from yesterday that needs to be folded. I haven’t eaten yet for the second day in a row. We are all still in pajamas and the baby needs a bath but she won’t let me put her down long enough to get it ready. My toddler is crying to be held which I try to do one handed while the baby nurses in the other. I am crying. My toddler asks “Mommy Happy?” She will ask me later if I feel better. Because she has become so used to seeing me cry these last 7 weeks. I feel guilty for my toddler. I feel scared and overwhelmed. Scared by how I’m feeling. Because I know I don’t feel good. I thought if I just got the house cleaned I would feel better. But now I can’t get a handle on anything. Sometimes I look at the baby and feel angry. Sometimes crazy thoughts pop into my head. I’m afraid to walk through a doorway while holding her because I think I’ll hit her head on the door frame. Then I’ll think do I want to hit her head? Do I want to feed her a bottle of bleach? What?!?! Will I end up one of those mothers on the news? I picked up a knife today and felt scared. I couldn’t even tell you why. Then I get that pukey feeling in my stomach and the panic sets in. This is post partum depression. And it is a bitch.

(more…)

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A Mother’s Blessing

It didn’t occur to me to post about the Mother’s Blessing I had, but it was such a touching experience I couldn’t help but try to put it into words.

A little background on what a Mother’s Blessing or sometimes called a “Blessingway” is and how I came to have one.

(more…)

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Pregnancy Woes and Wonders

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It’s been a while since I posted so I thought I would update you all on how the pregnancy is going.

In the last post about the pregnancy I wrote about the pitfalls of the first trimester. Since then, I cruised on through the second and am now a few weeks into the third. I can’t tell if it has gone fast or slow- a second pregnancy is definitely different in the sense that it is almost an afterthought. I can’t tell you the last time I looked at a pregnancy app or website where as the first time around I had those little weekly updates memorized by the first day of the new week. Like any other mom in the trenches, I am distracted raising a strong willed toddler who challenges me every day (boy is that another post – Hello miss independent).

My last post left off at the beginning of the second trimester so I will try to start there.

(more…)

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The Road to Home Birth

images (4)

*I know that birth can be a controversial topic, as with any other controversial topic in parenting it comes down to your comfort level with the risks associated. I personally feel strongly about things like breastfeeding and natural birth and am not comfortable with the risks to the alternative; however, someone could talk to me about the importance of “extended rear-facing” until they are blue in the face and it will still not be THAT important to me. We are all different and will weigh risks differently and that’s OKAY, there is no judgement here. But I still feel it is important to share knowledge and perspective, you never know who may resonate with what you are saying.

Sometime in my daughter’s first year I watched the documentary “TheBusiness of Being Born”. It was Ricki Lake’s passion project after a hospital experience with her first son that led her to a homebirth with her second.

This documentary is a must see for all pregnant women in my opinion. It opened up my eyes to so many things regarding how we give birth in America. But even before that, I knew intuitively that my hospital birth experience just wasn’t right. I just felt in my soul that what I experienced was not supposed to be how we bring babies into the world.

Since watching that documentary a year or so ago, I threw myself into absorbing everything I could about birth. And I was more and more convinced that it had to be different the next time around.

(more…)

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A Mother’s Blessing

A Mother’s Blessing

It didn’t occur to me to post about the Mother’s Blessing I had, but it was such a touching experience I couldn’t help but try to put it into words.

A little background on what a Mother’s Blessing or sometimes called a “Blessingway” is and how I came to have one.

(more…)

facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Pregnancy Woes and Wonders

Pregnancy Woes and Wonders

14449722_10101338380641649_5906943975531585552_n

It’s been a while since I posted so I thought I would update you all on how the pregnancy is going.

In the last post about the pregnancy I wrote about the pitfalls of the first trimester. Since then, I cruised on through the second and am now a few weeks into the third. I can’t tell if it has gone fast or slow- a second pregnancy is definitely different in the sense that it is almost an afterthought. I can’t tell you the last time I looked at a pregnancy app or website where as the first time around I had those little weekly updates memorized by the first day of the new week. Like any other mom in the trenches, I am distracted raising a strong willed toddler who challenges me every day (boy is that another post – Hello miss independent).

My last post left off at the beginning of the second trimester so I will try to start there.

(more…)

facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

The Road to Home Birth

The Road to Home Birth

images (4)

*I know that birth can be a controversial topic, as with any other controversial topic in parenting it comes down to your comfort level with the risks associated. I personally feel strongly about things like breastfeeding and natural birth and am not comfortable with the risks to the alternative; however, someone could talk to me about the importance of “extended rear-facing” until they are blue in the face and it will still not be THAT important to me. We are all different and will weigh risks differently and that’s OKAY, there is no judgement here. But I still feel it is important to share knowledge and perspective, you never know who may resonate with what you are saying.

Sometime in my daughter’s first year I watched the documentary “TheBusiness of Being Born”. It was Ricki Lake’s passion project after a hospital experience with her first son that led her to a homebirth with her second.

This documentary is a must see for all pregnant women in my opinion. It opened up my eyes to so many things regarding how we give birth in America. But even before that, I knew intuitively that my hospital birth experience just wasn’t right. I just felt in my soul that what I experienced was not supposed to be how we bring babies into the world.

Since watching that documentary a year or so ago, I threw myself into absorbing everything I could about birth. And I was more and more convinced that it had to be different the next time around.

(more…)

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